The Best Discussion

STRTweets posted an entry last week linking to Joe Holland's blog post on "8 Tips for Talking to Kids About the Sermon".  In that original article Mr Holland begins and ends with two observations about kids:

1. They retain more than you think they do
2. They understand more than you think they do

Both are accurate statements in my experience.  The first is encouraging to any parent wanting to pass along their values to their children.  The second echoes my previous thoughts on the ability of children to think critically.

In between those two observations, he makes a number of good suggestions on how to create opportunities to introduce your children to Jesus.  My own experience as a parent is filled with both failure and success, many of each, in making those introductions.  Especially in the area of post sermon discussions.  The remainder of this post focuses on some elements of the successes, as additional considerations in addition to the "8 Tips" linked above.

We've tried a number of techniques to both emphasize a sermon message and to use it as spring board into broader family discussions.  When children were very young, completing the picture in a children's bulletin was a start.  That graduated into writing any three notes about the sermon, which typically became a song title, picture and Bible verse.  Finding the right balance after those early stages has been more challenging and varies between children.  Particularly when as a parent you believe a child isn't "working at their potential", to use a common school phrase. 

Two things that have generally worked well in our family have been big picture discussions and chasing rabbit trails.  The big picture is typically easy to grasp, even for wandering attentions, and leads naturally to a discussion on life application.  Often though, it branch off down a rabbit trail, which has lead to all sorts of interesting insights.  In both, open ended questions help encourage thinking and typically provide guidance for where the conversations will or should go.

In the end, the best discussion might be not be a specific discussion technique at all.  It might be the experience of spending time and talking with your children.  It just might provide a memory of what you value to them, in more ways than one.  Something to pray about.

Enjoy.

Dumbing Down Our Kids

The "rules" below are attributed to Charles J. Sykes, author of the book Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write, Or Add. The cheapest used copy on Amazon is only $1.15 plus shipping, so I suppose it would be inexpensive to verify, but that would take too long. Regardless of the original source, its a good funny-but-true list of lessons kids probably won't learn in school. So here it is.

Rule No. 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen-ager uses the phrase "It's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule No. 1.

Rule No. 2: The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as much as your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not fair. (See Rule No. 1)

Rule No. 3: Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school. And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.

Rule No. 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he's not going to ask you how you feel about it.

Rule No. 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Rule No. 6: It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it, or you'll sound like a baby boomer.

Rule No. 7: Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.

Rule No. 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. In some schools, they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished and class valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone's feelings be hurt. Effort is as important as results. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. (See Rule No. 1, Rule No. 2 and Rule No. 4.)

Rule No. 9: Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on. While we're at it, very few jobs are interested in fostering your self-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to self-realization. (See Rule No. 1 and Rule No. 2.)

Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be as perky or pliable as Jennifer Aniston.

Not Until You're Twelve

Or maybe 10, in the state of Wisconsin.

For those who may miss the pop culture reference in the title of this post, it is from the original 1971 version of Willie Wonka and The Chocolate Factory. A permissive parent (to say the least) interacts with his son in the following quote from the movie:

Mike Teevee: Wait till I get a real one. Colt 45. Pop won't let me have one yet, will ya, Pop?
Mr. Teevee: Not till you're 12, son.

There was a lot of satire in the original that probably was intended to give the children's film broader appeal for adults (similar to the sexual innuendo and double entendres in today's "children's" movies). However in this case, the satire seems to be lost on this group of lawmakers.

Just to make sure this is taken as irony and not an anti-gun position, I'll make the following disclaimer. As a registered gun owner and sport shooting hobbyist, I am clearly in favor of protecting Second Amendment rights. Although I am not personally interested in hunting as a hobby, it should also be afforded the same protection.

Raising responsible children has many facets and at the proper time for the individual child, can include gun safety. Just not in any 10 year olds I've known.

Alternate tag: Things that make you go "hmmmm"...

Encouraging A (Perpetual) Mentality of Adolescence

All parents want better for their children than they had for themselves.  Some parents go to great lengths to make this possible in the short term for their children.  Others try and shield their children from the realities of life and consequences of their actions far into the child's teen years.  Many times that shielding is not just from external challenges, but internal as well - from having to think critically.

Just as failing to let children learn from the consequences of their actions will lead to wrong actions in an adult world, failing to challenge them to think will lead to their acceptance of wrong ideas.  Students, particularly at the high school level, are capable of much more than the popular media gives them credit for, with its encouragement of perpetual adolescence.  If we can teach biology and chemistry in high school, why not real theology?

A recent article by John Stonestreet, writing for BreakPoint addresses these and several other issues in a high level outline for challenging students.  Reading this article might raise some questions on how we're preparing our children, students and ourselves to respond to the issues in our culture.

Childhood Expectations

There's probably a larger commentary in here than I intend to write. Something deep and insightful that explores the balance between pushing a child beyond their years and conversely not challenging them enough. However, like most matters that involve raising children, those boundaries are deeply personal and can only be decided on an individual level by a child's parents.

That having been said, I do believe that as a culture, we don't expect enough out of our young people. Maybe its because we don't believe that they are capable of more than the underachieving stereotypes commonly presented in the media.

Social dynamics aside, two items caught my interest recently that got me thinking about childhood expectations: Zara Larsson and the Clapham School. On the surface they might appear unrelated, however both are prime examples of excellence from sources we might not ordinarily expect - a ten year old singer and eight year old students.

These children clearly have excelled in their environments, no doubt with the encouragement and support of many adults, including their parents. It would be difficult to know if they were pushed, but clearly they were not inhibited by low expectations.

Its something to keep in mind as we raise up the next generation of leaders. Excellence is never an accident.